Emotions run high

It is difficult to comprehend my mixed emotions at the moment. 

Steeped in sadness recently that I would be leaving Seattle soon. People that I've come to know and LOVE over the last few months would be yet another page in my history book. I must convince myself that this must be seen in a positive light - I'm so grateful for the people and the experience here. It had inspired me and reminded me what I've always wanted so dearly. Without this experience, I would not actually move!

My first-ever flight to China is in 6 days. It would be my first time back in more than 11 years. Perhaps I can trace a certain sense of guilt in my thoughts. I could not explain why has it been so long. They were my family and had loved me dearly. Yet that love I was unable to requite. It brought me to tears when my grandfather, through a quivering voice, reminded me he is currently 76 years old. 

But my chief concern is the sense of isolation that I'm so afraid to experience - China and its culture had changed in last 11 years. But more importantly I have changed since I was a teenager. I wonder how I'd fit in. I do not know how I would perceive everything that will happen. I feel the experiences will undoubtedly fall outside of my range of expectations. So I should bear no expectations. Let experience take me away.

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I opened a stock chart on my screen. It is so remarkably simple and pure. It is why I love it.